Episode #17 - Where Are All The MTF Lesbians?

Hi, We got (and posted) your comment on the MTF lesbians episode. I was hoping you could expand on that (either, by e-mail or as another comment). What was disappointing about it and why were you offended? This wasn't our intention, so maybe this is a good opportunity for education if you're up to it? Thanks, -j.

Hi, I found this episode disappointing and sometimes offensive for lots of different reasons. It's an important subject for our community, so I'm still glad you took it on as an issue to discuss. I can write a long essay here, but I'll try to keep it to the highlights (or lowlights). You ask "Where are all the MTF lesbians?", but you answered that question throughout the episode by 'othering' women with a transgender history as "trannies" rather than letting them just be women. To a lot of members and allies of the trans community, "tranny" is and offensive word. It was invented as a derogatory term, and is not much different than bigoted/racist words used to label other groups of people. Just because there are some people in their respective communities who try to take back ownership of a hurtful word by using it on themselves, you can't assume that is true for everyone. There are many women with a trans history who hate that word and the images and associations it conjures-up. So please don't think that someone who likes using the word is representative of everyone who comes from the trans community. "MTF" is starting to be seen the same way. (cont.)

The big life struggle for most trans women is simply to gain acceptance as the women they are, so as long as you continue using language and attitudes that keep them in a separate box as "trannies" rather than as women, they're going to want to hide their trans histories from you--and that begins to answer your question "Where are all the [trans women] lesbians?" "Liking trannies over 'real girls' is a valid form of desire" That is like the most offensive way to "other" trans women and deny their womanhood that I have heard in a long time. Sherilyn Connelly really speaks only for herself, and not for the community of women with a trans history. BTW, The Lex, Cockblock, Mango, Delicious are all great lesbian venues where you can find women with a trans history that don't want to carry a big "T" over their shoulders, and don't want to go to Diva's. Again, it's about lesbian women who just want their womanhood, not about "trannies". tangential question: If I had a few casual encounters with a trans guy who still keeps a partial lesbian identity but also prefers to be considered "he", do I still keep my gold star status? -s ps- I occasionally blab about trans stuff at satya.wolowaru.net

Satya, Thank you for your remarks. As I mentioned previously, we are hoping that this can be an open forum for dialogue and exchange. I was, personally unaware, that trans/trannie/etc was so offensive. I assumed, apparently incorrectly, that because there was a trans march, it was more of just a descriptive term, similar to how I would view lesbian or even dyke (although I realize some might find dyke offensive - personally, I feel like its lost its punch). -j.

"Sherilyn Connelly really speaks only for herself, and not for the community of women with a trans history." I couldn't agree more, Satya. I have never claimed to speak for anyone but myself, nor would I be so deluded as to think that I could be the voice of an entire community, and I wouldn't want such an impossible burden even if it was offered to me. I can only express my own experiences and my own truth in the language that feels natural to me. Some people identify and/or agree with me, some don't, and it's all good either way.

Hi again, j.c - I just want to clear-up any confusion--I was talking specifically about the word "tranny" and not about "trans". I think the most important thing to keep in mind is that if someone doesn't identify themselves as "tranny" or "trans" or anything like that, then it's no one else's place to slap that label on them--a point that was also made strongly in the butch discussion in episode 16.

Sherilyn - I think you made a really good point when you said "I don't feel...persecuted at the Lex, but I feel tolerated at best... Nobody's gonna give me any static, but nobody's gonna give anything else either." That really speaks to the "othering" that happens so often to people in the trans communities. As is too often true with bigotry toward different groups of people, "reluctant tolerance" is way different that "acceptance". My real point in my first comment is about how to realize acceptance rather than accept mere tolerance. As I've always been, I'm a woman. I'm not a woman "who used to be a man", I'm not a "man who became a woman", and I'm not a "trans".